Friday, September 24, 2004

Hola

Tengo que ser honesto, tampoco se lo que esta pasando. Parece que estoy pasando por unos sentimientos masivos de negación., sobre mi bienestar. Me siento bien, pero no se como eso sea posible, estoy haciendo lo mejor para estar bien.


Déjame decirte que hay veces que tengo la idea de que no sea yo contra el mundo, sabes, que no estoy solo para confrontar las cosas de la vida. Me pongo a gusto, los ojos se me agrandan y se llenan de esperanza de que sea realidad.
Pero, no lo es. Y lo se. Deseo estar equivocado.


Pero no estoy. Es Yo y el mundo, y estamos solo con la excepción de Dios, y esta bien.. Dios y yo esta bien. Pero en veces pienso, y me pongo contento de que hayan otros también. Pero me despierto.


Perdona, si soy un poco testaduro, e inmaduro, y socialmente incapaz. Me siento seguro siendo quien soy. Da miedo porque si no me cuido a mi mismo, nadie lo va hacer, y me tengo que cuidar o voy a doler.


Quiero tanto, mi corazón es tan grande y me tengo que enojar y pelear contra eso o me abro para mas dolor… yo prefiero ponerme duro


Perdona si soy sobre protector, o hipócrita y todas las otras cosas negativas que soy. Estoy tratando de sobrevivir. Y si no tengo muchos amigos, es porque no quiero tener que querer tanto.


Dios y yo, y me lleno tanto tanto y soy tan feliz. Y es suficiente, pero en veces busco a alguien más, pero solo estoy yo.

Tuesday, September 7, 2004

Emily and the Creepy Song

So I noticed how Em has gone in this workout routine thing, she works out quite often, so that’s good right. Well, she eats quite often too, ice cream once a day, snacks here and there. So I ask her about it and I say, “You know you are taking 2 steps forward and 2 steps back right?” She just looks at me like I'm crazy. Then I come to find out that the only reasons she works out, is to be able to eat whatever she wants.


I get it, but it just doesn’t make any sense. :-P


In other news, there is this song by the Smashing Pumpkins called “Lily, my one and only.” It’s one of my favorite songs, a very unusual stalker song, where we get the perspective of the stalker as he is in the process of stalking. It fails to be creepy because he sings it with such innocence and carefreeness that the creepyness factor never makes an appearance. And I would love to post the lyrics and further analyze this song, but unfortunately I have a cousin named Lily, and that would just be too creepy

Wednesday, September 1, 2004

Tuesday

So the Bilingual Journal I worked on is coming out, and it’s this big deal for my teacher and such, and she has asked me to do a reading, in this event they are having for it in our school. So I am gonna have to get up in front of some people and read a Curtis White poem/translation thing.


Now, I am not nervous but I will be. I don’t think it will be worse than when I presented and read my own translations of Caridad Atencio. Being there in front of my peers and many of the big shots of the school wasn’t that important to me, but the actual author was right by my side. In her Cuban-ness, her humble intellectual nature, she read her works in Spanish, and I did my translations in English; Newcomer virgin-translator-me. It was my ascension into the scholarly world I follow. No pretend intellectualness, no jargon, no discussion of eras or theories, just me, culture dragging, Mexican looking, alumni wannabe. Dr. D has been a huge influence in my life, I would consider her a mentor and a friend and she has helped me out in various forms through my college career, so if she asks I will happily comply with her request.


My name, with an accent in the i, orgulloso, beautiful, in ink, imprinted on a glossy scholarly journal paper, followed by many names who are soon to soar. And I'm as proud as can be.
Anonymous, and I don't care.