whatevers

duermo con una sonrisa en mis labios,

mis labios que nacieron para unirse a los tuyos

tuyas son mis palabras

palabras que salen en chorros hacia el mundo

el mundo que nos llaman y nos quiere unir

unir como gardenias a la tierra

la tierra que es nuestro porvenir.

que nos une atravez de las estrellas

estrellas que posan en tus ojos

ojos color cielo

tus ojos que me conectan a tu corazon

el corazon con quien sueño en la noche

la noche la compartes con otro

con otro corazon otro cuerpo otros labios.

pero yo duermo contento

porque sueño contigo

¿Y los ojos?

Her eyes are a Spanish blue, azul celeste, like the sky that connects us, not the blue of her first language, which is the blue of sadness.

Transcurrimos una corta parte del continente

Y hubiéramos recorrido más

Pero eres de otro y seguro con el lo caminaras.

Si es mi destino, te amare hasta que muera,

y aunque ame a alguien más,

porque la vida no me dejo amarte.

Y si quizás hoy ya no te amo

No es porque no te amo

Sino porque me aleje del amor

Que si me lo regresaras se te volverá amar

Ese amor que es de otro como un día lo fue mío,

empieza asi...

Niña mía, de mis ojos, de mi vida

de las alturas, de mi privacidad

de lo hondo, de lo mas hondo de mi

de las tierras y las nubes, del cielo azul,

del cielo, mar y luz.

De lo más profundo de los sentimientos

fuera del amor y la desesperanza

estas tu. Ojos, piernas y muslos de acero

excavaré en tu vientre lo que deseo de mí.

Despacio, desde abajo. Fuego y tierra

Rápido hacia arriba,

más lejos que besos, más profundo que sexo

más placentero. Más allá de lo carnal

hacia lo sublime, y lo inefable

hacia los vientos y la teoría.

Arriba hacia las nubes, los satélites, las estrellas

a lo místico, a lo mítico, fuera de lo terral.
hacia el centro; hacia lo esencial, hacia el átomo, lo celular, lo conceptual

y de una montaña emífera gritarte, (que lo seguro es mudo)
hasta EXPLOTAR!

niña mía, quisiera escribirte algo suave
algo suave, lejos, y sin mayúsculas
que las mayúsculas hacen tanto ruido.

y lo indeleble es de poco hablar.

te escribiría
algo suave y lejos...

dale tiempo al tiempo

que mariposas posan en tu alfombra
dale tiempo al tiempo

que despacio he de llegar

dale tiempo al tiempo

que si me asustas, he de regresar
dale tiempo al tiempo
que aunque no se vea,

I've thrown away everything I've written you.

All the drunken things I wanna say to you that you don't want to hear and will ultimately just push you away - I wanna say them but I don't. They are good things; they are all good things about struggle and end-results. And its not about who will love you the most, because I'm confident of who that its. It's about how they will love you and in which way. That's how it is with all things

"puedes verme pero no tocarme"

Xander:

So… the crux of this plan is

Anya:

Sexual intercourse. I've said it, like, a dozen times.

Xander:

Uh huh,

just working through a little hysterical deafness here.

Anya:

I think it's the secret of getting you out of my mind.

Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively. I'm thinking face-to-face for the event itself.

Xander:

Ah. Right. It's just that we hardly know each other.

I mean I like you, and you have a certain… directness that I admire.

But sexual interc-- What you are talking about.

And I am actually turning into a woman as I say this.

But it's about expressing something. And accepting consequences.

Anya:

Oh I have condoms.

Some are black.

Xander:

That's….

That's very considerate

Anya:

I like you. You are nice and you are nicely shaped…and frankly,

It's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not…interlock

quiet

I amo you.

So I should write a daily, 'cause let's face it, random poem and thoughts are boring. So here is my day. I worked. It was super slow. It was fun though. I worked with some cool people. I have to add that some of the girls I work with are just beautiful, one in particular, I cannot believe how beautiful she is, it blows me away. I came home, chilled, tried to make it to Jacki's bbq but I couldn't make it, I hope she isn't mad.

Hung out with Tom, played cards and drank SoCo and coke took lots of pictures it was a lot of fun.

I realized that a certain someone only asks me to hangout when she has nothing else to do, when her roommates are busy or away for the weekend. She probably doesn't realize it, but it sucks ya know, because when she has things to do she never includes me, only when there is no other option. I think I deserve better than that.

Tomorrow Brian comes down to celebrate Amy's bday, it should be fun hanging out with him. I really love Brian he is like my 4^th brother, I really do love him.

Lots of good news with my family: We are great.

That is it I guess. Thanks for visiting.

I like girls who are affectionate, girls who appreciate a romantic gesture, and are sensitive by nature. I've had experience with girls who aren't and it gets me thinking about my dad because he is married to a girl who isn't at all like that. I really don't know how he does it. I find it hard to encapsulate my feelings with that type of girl, because I associate reciprocal-ness as a statement of feelings, of love etcetera.

My mom isn't affectionate (she is a more now than before, but still not super). Just not how she is. She isn't the talk about feelings, let's hug it out type. She is the brash, honest, direct type. My dad is the exact opposite, he is the "are you happy?" asking, I love you saying, compliment giving, always wanting to hug you and kiss you type. So in a sense there is a role reversal to the "gender roles" that exist between the sexes.

Anyway what I don't understand is how someone so affection-driven, so open about how he feels and of his love can be with someone that doesn't reciprocate that. My dad compliments my mom daily, tells her all sorts of romantic things like "eres mi todo," "mi reina," "te amo," etcetera. It is a well know belief that my dad thinks my mom is the most beautiful woman in the history of the world (he is right by the way). My mom doesn't really liked to be kissed or hugged or be complimented. She is driven by logic and my dad by his heart. Here is an example of the dichotomy between them: I get a haircut – regardless of how it looks my dad always says "wow, it looks great!" even if it sucks. He is encouraging. My mom would say: "It's ugly!"

I would need more. I wouldn't mind a girl that is honest and speaks her mind at all, but one that isn't affectionate in the least… I dunno, I don't think I'm that strong.

So this is what I concluded, either:

a) really confident of my mom's love for him or

b) he is so madly and completely inlove with her that he could care less how affectionate she is.

He probably knows who she is and realizes that to someone like her, logic driven and honest, marrying him, baring his children, sharing a bed and a home and the loud laughter that comes from her and penetrates the walls and the floors of our house and infects us all is her way of kissing and hugging and saying "I love you too mi rey."

luna

Shannon Lucid was an astronaut. Studied her way to space but could not reach the moon.

starDUST

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

~ "Rose Walker" in The Sandman #65