4am

Summer school - So here I am in ISU, in the summer, and let me tell you it is a ghost town. Heather says that “it feels like camp,” and well I never went to camp so I can’t tell, but I agree with her anyway. It feels…. good. I go to class and see no one, and if I do see someone, they are in class with me. Not like i socialize with people in class anyway. I talk to them, but that’s about it. Guess nothings change... hehe. i'm ok with it. I like myself!

Circle – Gera tells me that I should get out of my comfort circle because there are a lot more things out there. He has a point, but my circle is fine. I have friends but my inner circle (my best friends) is pretty close and pretty tight. I think that I do a good job with the people that are around me. They are proven soldiers in my wars. I have met a bunch of people and its hard to let them in because sometimes I feel like I can’t possible let them in because it’s too tiring, I get tired sometimes. I love my best friends, they fit. They somehow get me. Distance means nothing to Brian and I or Kathryn and I and I love that about us. They above anyone else, because they are proven: I just wish that I have proven myself to them. Two who are true and are my forevers.

I got others in that circle and they are good and fast approaching. Makes me smile.

Best Friends – It’s quiet here. My days don't last as long as I wish they did. I hangout with Heather a lot, but I'm just lucky, she is the only friend-friend I have here. And she is definitely one of the best ones, so that’s always fun. Speaking of hanging out and best friends, Em came to visit me last weekend. It was great to see her even thought we didn’t do anything spectacularly exciting it was a great time. AND speaking of best friends and hanging out and great times Kathryn came to visit me too. On her way back to Quincy, it’s been forever since I’ve seen her, we caught up, went to Denny’s... it was great. I miss her a great deal. It will be the last time I see her before I go back to Taxco, so it will be another great while without her. I have to go soon and make sure I hangout with Brian and see him and Dianne and Asha before I leave. I miss those girls too.

Estoy muy preocupado por mi mama. :-/

Class – I love class. Dr. Hunt is so nice. I hope my paper went well. I just wish classed moved faster, it tends to drag. I am getting crazy inspired and have written a couple poems. Contemporary stuff, more real, as oppose to romantic idealistic things I tend to write. I will be posting them, so stay tuned…
Family is great.

In other news – I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Well, maybe not a lot, but I’ve been definitely thinking about things of late. Prayer is good. And you know what: I feel good about who I am. I know I got a lot of things to work on still, but overall I'm doing pretty good.

Some of my friends are involved in all sorts of drama: Fighting with this person, arguing with this other person, hating this other one. I don’t get it. It seems to me like a lot of wasted energy. To think or feel those things, when you can be living and enjoying your life. You have to just live within your environment, and make it as happy as you can.

Decision - I made one, and it’s a final one too.

Realization – I realize that judging is pretty stupid. I should know this better than anyone because I know how everyone has a secret life no one knows of. You just can’t judge because you don’t know, no matter what you think you know, or what you heard, point is you don’t. No one knows, just the specific person.

People always tell me that I'm confusing and they don’t get me, that I'm complex or whatever; which is true because I think most people are like that. We are complex beings, us humans (Hehe. Sorry that sounded funny, a tad to philosophical for me).Averageness – sucks. The RA asked us to tell the group something we were good at. I couldn’t think of a single thing. Not one. Even if I did, it would feel sorta egocentric to say :in a snotty voice: “Well I good at this...” There is nothing I can think of that I am really good at. (Most things are null ‘cause you need an authority of such thing to let you know if you’re good, like a writing, art, or singing, (i.e. things like that). Then there are other things that you do with others like kissing which you can’t really know because you can’t really kiss yourself. The point of my rambling being that as long as you are ok with that, or if you’re not – you’re then trying to improve yourself… It doesn’t matter.