Respect

What can you say about respect, except that you should aim to get it. It becomes crucial in boy/girl relations. How a guy will treat you depends on it. I see it all the time, if a guy doesn't respect you, he will treat you like shit, if a girl doesn't respect herself then its like a guys guide to treat her like shit. It's not fair, but it is how it is. Respect is great, it is the most important thing i can offer a girl. Two girls come to mind, and I respect them wholly for it. A GOOD WOMAN is hard to find, but they are the worthy ones. I see guys get with a girl, then a girl feel all good about it, or whatever, and then a guy turn around and put all the smooth talk he just gave her aside and rip on her so bad behind her back, telling them all the details about what happen. For the life of me I cannot fathom the appeal of that, or the stupidity of not realizing that. Yes they are some good guys out there, but a whole bunch are not, and they use and use and hide behind alcohol or whatever reason and just mistreat and mistreat and i see girl after girl fall and fall over and for it time and time again and then wonder and wish for the alternative. "why can't I find a nice guy" blaming their luck for ending up with some ass. How can you tell them "it's your fault, your picking one." What do you say to the ones who do not choose the good ones, or the nice ones for not being as good looking or as muscular or being just a friend.

Call it immaturity, call it being young. But when will they choose real, and genuine, even if its not a 'Brad Pit.' My answer to that question is: A GOOD WOMAN is hard to find, and all other ones, at least by me, will be passed by.

Where you are.

I had this idea: What if, you get to see the thought process of thinking about a poem. As we all know, sometimes when you outline or plan something, the end result turns out to be different than what was planned. So I give my ideas of this upcoming poem. Where I want to go with it, what are the lines I want to walk, the things I want to say, the path I want to take with it etc. Then find out if I follow those guidelines or if what comes out is what I intended it to be or if it’s something completely different.

This poem idea was given to me by a friend. Turns out, I had a lot of problem with it. A week later I got the ending, which I liked, but I couldn’t find the other parts.

This is the sentence that I wrote as a guide:
Of love and lust, sex and love, lust and passion, love sex and sensualness.

The ending:
Pull Out

Roll over

And Stay.
The idea was to find a way to talk (and somehow differentiate) the above feelings. I don’t know whether to do it in a relationship way, or maybe as a person that struggles with such questions.
(I think as people many of us do so, many times that is the question that guides our behavior)

Do I choose to fulfill my lust (multiple partners) or love (doing things with someone that you care about etc)? & sometimes people search for love in a lustful way or find love through lust.

Are we more attracted to sexuality or sensuality? (There is a distinction!) I myself prefer sensuality, I think it’s sexier, because its innate, either you have it or not, it cannot be reproduced by muscles or low cut shirt, its just there. (Have you ever said or thought: “I dunno what it is, there’s just something about him/her?”)

So my dilemma is how to go about it, how to tell this story. My first thought was having a guy talk about what he wants to do (not sexually, you horn ball!), the narrator sorting out his feelings for this girl, pushing out lust and sex and sexuality to find what he really wants ( I am a romantic at heart what can I say). My other idea was something I stated earlier, and that is somehow finding love through lust. So instead of sorting out and pushing out, having the narrator lather and swim around all these feelings and then walla! Something more.

Another idea was to have the distinction of these 2 people (Idea came out a comment I made to a comment made by my friend Di) Do guys and girls look for the same thing, do we get at the same thing in the same ways? Very reminiscent of ee cummings poem “may i feel said he” where we see a guy trying to get his, and a girl trying to find a connection rather than sex:

So that is where it begins. Where will it end? I don’t know.

Like the sand the moon and the sea shore.

There will be a time in your life when love will become real. Essential. When it will be crucial, not one night stands or high school crushes, nor lust. And - it - will – be beyond vital. Detrimental to the life you will live, and the future it will have. It will be life and death; Mouth wide open it will lose all superficiality, and it won’t have big muscles or firm breast and it won’t come with a size 4 dress, or bulging biceps, and it won't be about who is prettier or who has more money, but about who is sweetest and who treats you best. Mature love, real love will come and be so needful that there won’t be any choice but to adhere to it, no matter how unattractive your friends might think your girlfriend or boyfriend might be. And this love will come and it will make you regret how promiscuous you were or still are, or how vain and it will make you wish that your last time was the only time. And this love will come in the form of freedom when you are in a well, and nothing else will matter other than if you don't catch it you will die a lonely death. And it won’t be puppy love, or a trophy love and it will have nothing to do with sex, or physical appearance and it will be clear as a summer night and the foggy superficial glasses will clear and sense will seep into your reasoning as if teenage angst and lust had never created it. And it will change you, because if it doesn't you will lose it.

So what will you do? When you realize that the past wasn't just practice. Will you wait till that day comes, or will you read this and start getting ready for it so it doesn’t pass you by when it comes to you, so you aren’t passed by, because in reality high numbers do matter and we are judged on past behavior and maybe we are as ugly as we never dare to admit.. Will you get ready for it, or compensate for it, like half the world by marrying that whom you will later realize you weren't meant to be and now have shared custody with. Will you fight for it, for those who deserve you, and are worthy of all this, the invisible ones who will treat you right or maybe this doesn’t apply to you, maybe it doesn't matter, but there will be a time when love, real love comes through your door, with a long golden road full of contentment and warmth and fill every void and it will be so grand and pure and only sensed and felt with the heart and mind and you will wish you deserved and were worthy of it, and for the last time, reciprocated.