Where you are.

I had this idea: What if, you get to see the thought process of thinking about a poem. As we all know, sometimes when you outline or plan something, the end result turns out to be different than what was planned. So I give my ideas of this upcoming poem. Where I want to go with it, what are the lines I want to walk, the things I want to say, the path I want to take with it etc. Then find out if I follow those guidelines or if what comes out is what I intended it to be or if it’s something completely different.

This poem idea was given to me by a friend. Turns out, I had a lot of problem with it. A week later I got the ending, which I liked, but I couldn’t find the other parts.

This is the sentence that I wrote as a guide:
Of love and lust, sex and love, lust and passion, love sex and sensualness.

The ending:
Pull Out

Roll over

And Stay.
The idea was to find a way to talk (and somehow differentiate) the above feelings. I don’t know whether to do it in a relationship way, or maybe as a person that struggles with such questions.
(I think as people many of us do so, many times that is the question that guides our behavior)

Do I choose to fulfill my lust (multiple partners) or love (doing things with someone that you care about etc)? & sometimes people search for love in a lustful way or find love through lust.

Are we more attracted to sexuality or sensuality? (There is a distinction!) I myself prefer sensuality, I think it’s sexier, because its innate, either you have it or not, it cannot be reproduced by muscles or low cut shirt, its just there. (Have you ever said or thought: “I dunno what it is, there’s just something about him/her?”)

So my dilemma is how to go about it, how to tell this story. My first thought was having a guy talk about what he wants to do (not sexually, you horn ball!), the narrator sorting out his feelings for this girl, pushing out lust and sex and sexuality to find what he really wants ( I am a romantic at heart what can I say). My other idea was something I stated earlier, and that is somehow finding love through lust. So instead of sorting out and pushing out, having the narrator lather and swim around all these feelings and then walla! Something more.

Another idea was to have the distinction of these 2 people (Idea came out a comment I made to a comment made by my friend Di) Do guys and girls look for the same thing, do we get at the same thing in the same ways? Very reminiscent of ee cummings poem “may i feel said he” where we see a guy trying to get his, and a girl trying to find a connection rather than sex:

So that is where it begins. Where will it end? I don’t know.