Respect

What can you say about respect, except that you should aim to get it. It becomes crucial in boy/girl relations. How a guy will treat you depends on it. I see it all the time, if a guy doesn't respect you, he will treat you like shit, if a girl doesn't respect herself then its like a guys guide to treat her like shit. It's not fair, but it is how it is. Respect is great, it is the most important thing i can offer a girl. Two girls come to mind, and I respect them wholly for it. A GOOD WOMAN is hard to find, but they are the worthy ones. I see guys get with a girl, then a girl feel all good about it, or whatever, and then a guy turn around and put all the smooth talk he just gave her aside and rip on her so bad behind her back, telling them all the details about what happen. For the life of me I cannot fathom the appeal of that, or the stupidity of not realizing that. Yes they are some good guys out there, but a whole bunch are not, and they use and use and hide behind alcohol or whatever reason and just mistreat and mistreat and i see girl after girl fall and fall over and for it time and time again and then wonder and wish for the alternative. "why can't I find a nice guy" blaming their luck for ending up with some ass. How can you tell them "it's your fault, your picking one." What do you say to the ones who do not choose the good ones, or the nice ones for not being as good looking or as muscular or being just a friend.

Call it immaturity, call it being young. But when will they choose real, and genuine, even if its not a 'Brad Pit.' My answer to that question is: A GOOD WOMAN is hard to find, and all other ones, at least by me, will be passed by.

Where you are.

I had this idea: What if, you get to see the thought process of thinking about a poem. As we all know, sometimes when you outline or plan something, the end result turns out to be different than what was planned. So I give my ideas of this upcoming poem. Where I want to go with it, what are the lines I want to walk, the things I want to say, the path I want to take with it etc. Then find out if I follow those guidelines or if what comes out is what I intended it to be or if it’s something completely different.

This poem idea was given to me by a friend. Turns out, I had a lot of problem with it. A week later I got the ending, which I liked, but I couldn’t find the other parts.

This is the sentence that I wrote as a guide:
Of love and lust, sex and love, lust and passion, love sex and sensualness.

The ending:
Pull Out

Roll over

And Stay.
The idea was to find a way to talk (and somehow differentiate) the above feelings. I don’t know whether to do it in a relationship way, or maybe as a person that struggles with such questions.
(I think as people many of us do so, many times that is the question that guides our behavior)

Do I choose to fulfill my lust (multiple partners) or love (doing things with someone that you care about etc)? & sometimes people search for love in a lustful way or find love through lust.

Are we more attracted to sexuality or sensuality? (There is a distinction!) I myself prefer sensuality, I think it’s sexier, because its innate, either you have it or not, it cannot be reproduced by muscles or low cut shirt, its just there. (Have you ever said or thought: “I dunno what it is, there’s just something about him/her?”)

So my dilemma is how to go about it, how to tell this story. My first thought was having a guy talk about what he wants to do (not sexually, you horn ball!), the narrator sorting out his feelings for this girl, pushing out lust and sex and sexuality to find what he really wants ( I am a romantic at heart what can I say). My other idea was something I stated earlier, and that is somehow finding love through lust. So instead of sorting out and pushing out, having the narrator lather and swim around all these feelings and then walla! Something more.

Another idea was to have the distinction of these 2 people (Idea came out a comment I made to a comment made by my friend Di) Do guys and girls look for the same thing, do we get at the same thing in the same ways? Very reminiscent of ee cummings poem “may i feel said he” where we see a guy trying to get his, and a girl trying to find a connection rather than sex:

So that is where it begins. Where will it end? I don’t know.

Like the sand the moon and the sea shore.

There will be a time in your life when love will become real. Essential. When it will be crucial, not one night stands or high school crushes, nor lust. And - it - will – be beyond vital. Detrimental to the life you will live, and the future it will have. It will be life and death; Mouth wide open it will lose all superficiality, and it won’t have big muscles or firm breast and it won’t come with a size 4 dress, or bulging biceps, and it won't be about who is prettier or who has more money, but about who is sweetest and who treats you best. Mature love, real love will come and be so needful that there won’t be any choice but to adhere to it, no matter how unattractive your friends might think your girlfriend or boyfriend might be. And this love will come and it will make you regret how promiscuous you were or still are, or how vain and it will make you wish that your last time was the only time. And this love will come in the form of freedom when you are in a well, and nothing else will matter other than if you don't catch it you will die a lonely death. And it won’t be puppy love, or a trophy love and it will have nothing to do with sex, or physical appearance and it will be clear as a summer night and the foggy superficial glasses will clear and sense will seep into your reasoning as if teenage angst and lust had never created it. And it will change you, because if it doesn't you will lose it.

So what will you do? When you realize that the past wasn't just practice. Will you wait till that day comes, or will you read this and start getting ready for it so it doesn’t pass you by when it comes to you, so you aren’t passed by, because in reality high numbers do matter and we are judged on past behavior and maybe we are as ugly as we never dare to admit.. Will you get ready for it, or compensate for it, like half the world by marrying that whom you will later realize you weren't meant to be and now have shared custody with. Will you fight for it, for those who deserve you, and are worthy of all this, the invisible ones who will treat you right or maybe this doesn’t apply to you, maybe it doesn't matter, but there will be a time when love, real love comes through your door, with a long golden road full of contentment and warmth and fill every void and it will be so grand and pure and only sensed and felt with the heart and mind and you will wish you deserved and were worthy of it, and for the last time, reciprocated.

Mi Amor

University of Michigan

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything with some sort of insight or about what I did. My mysteriousness precedes me.

Last weekend I went to University of Michigan, a wondrous place, with Em and Lindsay. We visited Katie and proceeded to better know Becky, the twin. I must say it was a good time. We got there pretty late on Friday and we didn’t do anything but talk and hangout. On Saturday we went to the mall and I bough an “I Heart Twins” shirt... jaja because I do. The shirt was a hit!

Then we went to a party and that was alright. I was glad Lindsay went and that Becky was there ‘cause it gave me someone to talk to while Em and Katie wondered about playing beer pong and mingling. Weirdest thing, beer is free in Michigan, like they supply it free in the parties. I’ve told some people in ISU and they are dumbfounded like I was. I guess it pays to be daddy’s rich little boy or girl. :-D

It was a long drive, but I'm glad I went. It was divertido.
Como dice el refran, “it’s not where you are at, but who you are with that really matters.”

Pt 2

So I went to University of Michigan. Nice time. There were 2 things that were changed in me from going there (subtle changes of course). One of them was my re-introduction to Boyz II Men: Well, it went like this: We were driving back from Michigan, the radio stations were changing left and right, Emily was sleeping in the back seat. Lindsay was driving and I was in the passenger seat. Then a random station comes one with a good song, and me and Lindsay start to sing a long. So for 8 songs or so, we were singing all the songs one after the other. Then, "End of the Road" came on by Boyz II Men. Seriously, I love Boyz II Men, like passionately, I know a lot of the songs, my best friend does too, be he didn't lose touch like I did. So we were both singing (Lindsay and I) and I just remember all the good memories of their songs. Just felt good to bond with the songs again, and to be re-introduced to my favorite song.

Hola

Tengo que ser honesto, tampoco se lo que esta pasando. Parece que estoy pasando por unos sentimientos masivos de negación., sobre mi bienestar. Me siento bien, pero no se como eso sea posible, estoy haciendo lo mejor para estar bien.

Déjame decirte que hay veces que tengo la idea de que no sea yo contra el mundo, sabes, que no estoy solo para confrontar las cosas de la vida. Me pongo a gusto, los ojos se me agrandan y se llenan de esperanza de que sea realidad. Pero, no lo es. Y lo se. Deseo estar equivocado.

Pero no estoy. Es Yo y el mundo, y estamos solo con la excepción de Dios, y esta bien.. Dios y yo esta bien. Pero en veces pienso, y me pongo contento de que hayan otros también. Pero me despierto.

Perdona, si soy un poco testaduro, e inmaduro, y socialmente incapaz. Me siento seguro siendo quien soy. Da miedo porque si no me cuido a mi mismo, nadie lo va hacer, y me tengo que cuidar o voy a doler.

Quiero tanto, mi corazón es tan grande y me tengo que enojar y pelear contra eso o me abro para mas dolor… yo prefiero ponerme duro

Perdona si soy sobre protector, o hipócrita y todas las otras cosas negativas que soy. Estoy tratando de sobrevivir. Y si no tengo muchos amigos, es porque no quiero tener que querer tanto.

Dios y yo, y me lleno tanto tanto y soy tan feliz. Y es suficiente, pero en veces busco a alguien más, pero solo estoy yo.

Emily and the Creepy Song

So I noticed how Em has gone in this workout routine thing, she works out quite often, so that’s good right. Well, she eats quite often too, ice cream once a day, snacks here and there. So I ask her about it and I say, “You know you are taking 2 steps forward and 2 steps back right?” She just looks at me like I'm crazy. Then I come to find out that the only reasons she works out, is to be able to eat whatever she wants.

I get it, but it just doesn’t make any sense. :-P

In other news, there is this song by the Smashing Pumpkins called “Lily, my one and only.” It’s one of my favorite songs, a very unusual stalker song, where we get the perspective of the stalker as he is in the process of stalking. It fails to be creepy because he sings it with such innocence and carefreeness that the creepyness factor never makes an appearance. And I would love to post the lyrics and further analyze this song, but unfortunately I have a cousin named Lily, and that would just be too creepy

Tuesday

So the Bilingual Journal I worked on is coming out, and it’s this big deal for my teacher and such, and she has asked me to do a reading, in this event they are having for it in our school. So I am gonna have to get up in front of some people and read a Curtis White poem/translation thing.

Now, I am not nervous but I will be. I don’t think it will be worse than when I presented and read my own translations of Caridad Atencio. Being there in front of my peers and many of the big shots of the school wasn’t that important to me, but the actual author was right by my side. In her Cuban-ness, her humble intellectual nature, she read her works in Spanish, and I did my translations in English; Newcomer virgin-translator-me. It was my ascension into the scholarly world I follow. No pretend intellectualness, no jargon, no discussion of eras or theories, just me, culture dragging, Mexican looking, alumni wannabe. Dr. D has been a huge influence in my life, I would consider her a mentor and a friend and she has helped me out in various forms through my college career, so if she asks I will happily comply with her request.

My name, with an accent in the i, orgulloso, beautiful, in ink, imprinted on a glossy scholarly journal paper, followed by many names who are soon to soar. And I'm as proud as can be.
Anonymous, and I don't care.

How 'bout now?

So now it’s ok, now that all the friends are settling in to their warm caves, now that the night has settled in its after-hours. Now that the skirts, skanalicious, worm their way underground. Now that the blood is pumping, and the buzz steady holds its course. Now that the fun has ended, and the nightly beer adventures of whoknowswhat with whoknowswho. NOW it’s ok. When the boys and girls are settling in the beds, warming up to Mr. and Mrs. Today. Now it's ok, now that all is quiet, and life stands still with the night. “Now please, join my own life” Now that the day is new, and all rest home. Now that questions won’t be asked, and like all else will remain a mystery, Now it’s the time, to cease to have your own life. Now is ok for this particular visitor, who in frail words is held with such esteem. Not then, but now its ok, now, when there is no one else..

No, now is not ok.

_

Creo que necesito que alguien restore mi fe en las mujeres. Se me ha ido. Y necesito una heroina y se que las hay, pero necesito que sea alguien cerca de mi. No estoy diciendo que las muchachas que conozco son malas, para nada, son buenas mujeres que quiero mcho, pero busco a alguien that does not falter. Pense que la tenia, pero quizas solo tuve la ilusion de algo que nunca tendre...

Se que es mi culpa, poner tantas esperanzas en una persona, quizas soòe mucho, y no desperte a tiempo. Nadien es perfecto, y eso no es lo que busco. Nada mas a alguien que me diera cuenta que las cosas buenas de una mujer siguen intanctas en la sociedad. Busco eso, porque lo necesito, necesito algo que me calme mi inseguridad de que una mujer me abandonara enamorado. De que, hay mujeres que tienen la cabeza buen puestas.

Todo esto es mi culpa. Mi inseguridad es grande, y no es porque soy inseguro, viene de mi miedo de ser herido. No quiero un corazon roto, porque creo que si se me rompe mi corazon, nunca podra ser reparado, De hay viene mi reluctance para enamorarme y abrir mi corazon. Todo viene de eso, el miedo de tener un corazon herido.

Nada personal. Si pongo demasiada presion, if I rest all my hopes, my faults, mis inseguridades.... en lo que no debo
Lo siento.
Es mi culpa.

Last Saturday Pt1 & Pt2

This weekend was quite interesting. Particularly Saturday: First I went to B’s for a little grilling, which was nice. Then Em came and we went to a little get together for Mavi’s birthday (My brothers gf), which was nice as well. Then Em and left that to go to Art’s house warming party. That was interesting.

We got there around 11:30 I believe, walked in started to say hi to everyone, that traditional stuff. Em was looking good in her jean skirt and black v-neck short sleeve shirt, but that’s beside the point. So we walk in, and we sit down whatever, I ask Em if she wants something to drink and she being a shy girl I accompanied her to the keg (which was located in the small laundry room). There we are approach by this Polish guy, with very unpolished English, I am pouring Em a beer, and she is standing by the door. So Damon (the Polish guy) drunk beyond belief, stuttering approaches her and says “you look like Britney Spears.” Em acknowledges his drunken remark with a nod and I get on helper mode and move her away. First we must establish the accent, very strong (a la the foreign guy from Can’t Hardly Wait that says “I’m a sex machine.”) Think Arnold “I’ll be back!”

So then DAMON, corners me by standing by the door, looks straight at me, and says… “Y O U ARE BEAUTIFUL MAAAN.”

I laughed out loud inside, and smiled in the outside. CLEARLY, this guy has never been as drunk as he is now. I say “thanks” and move to the kitchen with Em.
Damon, unrelenting as he was follows me, and goes “DO YO U HAVE SOME ME XICAN BLOOO D?” Completely impressed with his deductive reasoning, and realizing he was now 1out of 2, I answered, “Yea, I have all Mexican blood.” Damon eyes widen, mouth foaming (literally!! his spit was flying all over the place, with some foam resting on his mouth. For all I know, he could have had rabies, which could explain his hallucination when he saw me. )

“AHHH” he said.
“I HAAVE BEEN WAITIN ALLLL MY LIFE TO MEET MAAAN WITH MEXICAAN BLOOD.”

”Thanks.” I added.

Later, me and Damon had another encounter when he proceeded to tell me how I was a mix of , a odd mix if you ask me of “AANTONIO BANDERAAS and NICOLAS CAGE”

‘Is my hairline receding? Is my natural tan diminishing,’ I wondered. “Am I going bald” I said.

Emily looked at Damon bewildered. I didn’t know whether to feel bad, or punch him. The man had low standards, so I excused him. 30 minutes later, Damon, was passed out in Arts’ bedroom. Most likely dreaming of me. :- (

Last Saturday PT.2

THEN THERE WAS GREG:

Greg had a tad too much to drink. Just a tad. His movements reminded me of the slow walking zombie from DAWN OF THE DEAD. Something Em could attest to.

So how drunk was Greg. Greg was pretty drunk. In one occasion, he rolled around on the floor like had had just been decapitated, limbs moving uncontrollably and unpredictably twitches, convulsing as if he had just had the heart attacks to end all heart attacks and then been proceeded to be hit with a defibrillator, sort of like a fish out of water. That was early in the night, BEFORE THEN Greg proceeded to hit on his friends girlfriend, kissing her on her arm and neck area as people moved him away.

THEN Greg choose to become a panther. Yes. A panther. Full with growling, walking on all fours, aggressive behavior, the whole nine yards.

Greg, on all fours, growling: Then there was Joe, waiting for a reason to kick his ass. And Greg, on all fours, growling, looking to charge, and everyone, hoping he wouldn’t. Joe had it for Greg the whole night. Joe pissed at hell, prayed to Hades that Greg charged, jaw tensing, look fixed on a whoop ass. And Joe would of beat his ass REAL BAD, panther or no panther. It was a good party, so we stopped Greg, and it continued. Greg continued to do what panthers do all over the house, until he found Alicia’s leg, which he proceeded to hump, in all sorts of manners and positions. Then more panther, more convulsing, more clumsiness, Greg walking around the party with 3 beers, spilling all over his drunken-panther self. Greg, who likes to hump legs and should be grateful he is not bruised and toothless.

Then there was John, who danced to the complete choreography of N’SYNC’s “BYE BYE BYE” and who will suffer for it, the rest of his life. And Em’s and Art’s view of Laura’s “asshole” as Brian sensibly put it.

John who dreams of being Wade Robson and Em + Art who wished Laura wore longer skirts.

Yo a veces soy feliz

So, one of my friends said in a conversation that I’m “not a happy person.” I was sort of shocked about that. It wasn’t the only thing I was shocked about during that conversation, but it was most definitely the first. First of all I didn’t see it coming and I was sort of insulted by it to be honest. I laugh so much, and I’m generally very optimistic about a lot of things. The thing is, I'm very internal about a lot of things, including those things, so it makes sense why she said that.

So there I am, all quiet, not talking, just blank in the face and somber looking. Listening, writing, and thinking inside my head, so i get where it comes from. The weird thing about all that is that I laugh all the time, to be honest I think I am the funniest person I know. I get all my jokes, and little tid bits about everything make me laugh. I just like to watch and listen things go on, and most of the time i write in my head and pretty much am thinking about other things all the time inside of my head. I don’t know, I guess the whole mysterious thing is true, I hear it all the time, but not cause i’m mysterious or anything like that, but just becuase i am not really understood, so people have nothing letf to do but come up with their own conclusion about things.

I always wondered why ME knowing is always enough for me, I don’t really try to persuede people to know the truth if they have the wrong infor or impression or story. If someone talks about me behind my back or says this is what happened to other people i dont have the urge to be like “No! This is how it happend!” if it happens when im there and they tell me about it i will, but if i know someone is spreading rumors or bad info i will not go out of my way to correct them, cause frankly... Me knowing the truth is more than enough for me.

But I’m getting off track, no one ever told me that i wasnt a happy person, and maybe I am not, but i guess all i can say about this is nothing, and maybe just post these lyrics, because well, I’m happy sometimes:

Y que importa que digan todos
Yo a veces soy feliz

Y no tengo nada y lo quiero todo
Yo a veces soy feliz

Hay me parte un rayo, me puye un ojo

Yo a veces soy feliz

Hay que me importa que digan todos

Yo a veces soy feliz...

No better thing

No hay otra manera que decir que no hay nada que se sienta mas bonito ni mas hermoso que viajar, la buena salud de la madre, y sentir que alguien te ame al igual que tu y el saber que esa persona, nunca y sin ninguna duda, te dejaran en su vida.

Lo se porque mi mama esta de buena salud y porque estoy viajando. Parece que Diosito me creo como pajaro, porque nada mas busco la oportunidad para abrir mis alas y volar. Y bueno, lo ultimo me lo imagino porque vivo aterrizado del desamor, y sueño con que algun dia, alguien me diga que me ama como nunca jamas, y oir el suave murmullo de un 'nunca, pero nunca te dejare.'

No, there is nothing better or as beautiful or as filling as traveling, the health of your mother, and the irrefutable knowledge that someone loves you as much as you do, and that without a doubt, and with God’s stamp of truth, will never ever leave you.

So I’m a romantic, whatdoyaknow? My bestfriends knew that already. If only I could go ‘round the world while my mom gardens and my dad watches some movie with the word ‘gun’ in it. My brothers out somewhere dancing, and alan playing video games, and me, somewhere foreign like me, looking at the sunset, watching the waves crash on the shore, and to my left, the sweet sound, the sweet murmur of a young lady, whose eyes flutter only for me, who faithfully and respectful behaves, my teammate in life…somewhere in a beach in some place, with the soft words sliding of a young woman’s mouth saying, telling me ‘maybe I love you a little more, and always by your side will be’ THEN me confused by the syntax, but not the diction will say, absolutely nothing, because I always loved more and I always had plans of grandeur and amorous eternity, SHE then looking at the withering yellows and oranges of the sun will shrug over my dramatics and say ‘ you’re stuck with me, hasta que se gaste el sol,’ porque tanto me quiere mi nina, que hasta aprendio el espanol.

Slow blog

It’s been a slow blog season, but I have been busy here in Taxco. I go home in a bit, I can’t wait, hopefully I will be able to go to WISCONSIN I love that place, it's definitely one of my favorite places in the entire world.

You have no idea, it’s my paradise. And like they say it’s who you are with that really matters. It helps to go with friends, the ones I can just be chill with and be myself and it’s cool.

I already told Greg that if the guys won’t go, ill just freaking go by myself. Hehe! His parents are there, and they are beyond amazing and their home is a second home to me and they like second parents. I love every single one of them very much. So I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem at all...

Zihuatenejo/Ixtapa… beautiful, leaves Acapulco out in the dust, I had so much fun there. The beach, the sand, the skyline, everything I will never forget that place for sure. I even hit some clubs and did some ass shaking.


Memorias y mas memorias, lo que me da Mexico.

Here and Back.

We went to Acapulco last weekend. It wasn’t bad, but it was Acapulco, and Acapulco isn’t all that to begin with it was great to lie in the beach and swim all day though. I came back sore as hell, I played volleyball and beach soccer, scored three goals. It was worth the pain jaja.

So weird thing happen, on of the pan ladies was all up on my grill, jaja. It wasn’t the cute pan lady, which is way cute, but I can’t complain.

Have I mentioned how the people here don’t party that much, it’s crazy, last year we came with all these partying girls. These are a lot tamer, but the ones now are more guy crazy.

So far I have to admit, we all get along a lot better. No drama thus far, of course not everyone is best friends with each other, but we all work pretty well. I like this group of people.

I think I can come home with some real good friends. I wish I could to be honest.

I feel like there is nothing to write about anymore, class starts in a little bit. We go to Morelia this weekend; next weekend is a free one, and possible Zihuatenejo. I am excited.

I love my family. Ellos encima de todos.

Ahí vienen.

The locals follow the p*$$* like sharks swim to blood. It’s half funny and half pathetic. But they must have their reasons. They are like hunger stricken children looking for some peace of meat, it’s a surprise they don’t get on their knees and beg for some ass.

So we are going to Acapulco for the weekend and they are already sniffing around, asking where we (the girls more like it) are staying, making their travel arrangements, going online, trying to stay in the same hotel as us.

Now my question is this: why? I already know why.

Would anyone follow someone that they know will not give them any? NO.

Now it could be three things:
1) They think they can get some *
2) They already got some and are hoping they will get more
3) They don’t care if they do or not, but just like the idea that anything is possible with Corona

*some can refer to as much as a little kiss

Of course there is nothing wrong if these locals happen to be friends with the ladies and want to come chill, but if they were friends would they be asking around about the hotel we are staying in. A friend would know for sure, and would not be shy to ask the friend personally as to where they would stay.

It’s like they agonize for the gueras. A yearning that can not be satisfied for their own Latinas that roam about. I think a lot of them get the impression, or have the idea that Americans are easy. Maybe they are just really afraid of commitment. Jeje

Ok my boredom and my procrastination to start a paper on Cuban poet extraordinaire Jose Marti has brought me to analyze this. Seize and start my paper, I will.

Nada Mas

It’s been a while I know. I don’t know what we did any of those days; we totally slacked off for an entire week. No going out for a whole week, well no night life for that long, so of course on Sunday we had to party it up, and that we did.

Estacion seems to be the place this summer. No Casa Del Abuelo. But you can’t mess with 2x1 and all those contest, satellite tv, pool, foosball, darts, etc.

Los primos are at it again, pero yo no dije nada. Me caen bien, but i dont talk to the all that much, them trying to get on the girls and all. I don’t know if the girls realize that, that to most guys they are just the flavor of the week.

I went to a dance club the other day too, I had fun believe it or not. They play the craziest mix ever devised ever, they go from Techno to Cumbia to Rap to Grease, yes Grease. I sat that one out of course.

Ok, I better go. Estoy un poco azul.

Quicky

OH man. Las cosas que pasan. So again this year, someone got pretty borracha, and I had care-taker duties. Which isodd cause she and I aren’t friend friends, but I took care of her nonetheless, others helped. Some shady characters where in the prowl, so I had to keep an eye on her to make sure everything was cool. No me importo, its no big deal, I rather them be safe. That same day, was Em’s birthday, which was the same day when a bunch of places were having crazy offers for the students, so we went from one place to another. It was a good night of the stuff mentioned in my previous entry. It was definitely un jueves de reventon!!

The girls are macking us sopa de letras, my fav so ill be back later

So there’s been many-a-NIPS sightings. This dog that use to follow around one of the girls that went here, called nips because of her overwhelming amount of …ya know nipples.

So after the crazy Jueves de Reventon, I don’t remember what we did ( because it was a while ago, not cause I lost brain cells) but I think Saturday we went to a bañieria, (water park) in Ixtapan de la Sal. The park was amazing; it was the funnest day here for sure!! The rides were so cool, there was one called Rio Bravo, which was in the shape of a circle which you rode in a air tires. Anyway every 15 seconds, the ride, pushed an insane water wave into the circle, , so everyone got pushed and close to each other, it was way dangerous. I got banged up a couple of times, but it was so exciting. Everyone loved it. The rides were more dangerous that they would be in the U.S. I got a nice little cut in my shin that I don’t think will ever leave me, it was just great fun.

Went to Cuernavaca the day after; which we did last time, my feet were all beat up, I was hurting hardcore, the trip was boring, but the town was good, the ladies better. I think they come from all over the world to study in its universities.

Jueves de Revento!!

Today is one of those days where the local businesses bust out plans for the foreign students. Sasha’s is having free food and mescal for $50 pesos, (5 bucks) at 7pm. At 9pm, Estacion is having a free tequila shots, 2x1, and Yard contests (2/3 beer chugging contest, winner gets the beers for free) It’s crazy, too bad beer is disgusting otherwise, it be nice deal.

I notice that for some reason the girls from this trip don’t get as many whistles and “que onda guera” and “mamacitas” as much as the other ones…I think the locals got all gentlemanly all of a sudden. bueno me voy. Later

Happy Birthday Em!!!

Nada nuevo.

So today I got an odd email, giving me a requested password to one of my accounts… thing is, I never requested anything… odd indeed.

In a week we go to Xochicalco y Cuernavaca. Then to vacacionar wherever we want. I still haven’t decided where. I wrote this very crappy poem which I will post post-haste.

That’s all there is to tell here. People are going to a club, so I might hit that, or maybe not. Hasta Luego.

Pumas Campeon!

This is day…whichever of my Taxco stay. I thought that I had brought a lot of clothes, but apparently I didn’t. I sort of forgot to bring running clothes… What can you do? Funny thing happen the other day, the soccer day, this guy outside our house, was plastered. It was raining a lot and water was coming doing some pipes from his house (kind of like a hose) so there he was, in the rain, completely wrenched and completely drunk, and since his team had won the championship (Pumas) he saying “Pumas Campeon” and busting out all these “rocking” poses… it was hilarious. When it isn’t a bread seller yelling “pan” in the middle of the morning, it’s the aerobics instructor bumping to YMCA, or some parrot yelling “Papa” then it’s the Pumas guy. Believe you me, when i say, you do not need an alarm clock to get up in the morning.

Gracias Señor, por todo lo que me das, y por lo que no me quitas.

Asi es la vida.

Can you believe some people? Taking their little shots to make themselves feel better... hehe Me hace reír! I guess you do what you have to; ya know to deal with things. I don’t need to, mi paz ya la tengo y eso ni palabras merece.

Taxco is nice, i still dont know many of the people here, but that’s alright. I’m rooming with Jerry, I’ve had 2 classes with him before and we get along pretty great. I'm at the home that amy and Heather were at, and the mom already wants us to commit to eating there every week, she is tricky, pero yo, jaja, no tengo problems diciendole que no. Besides i hate pushy people, so it's easy. She is very nice don't get me wrong, and she cooks wonderfully, but a weekly commitment is a little too long for this Com-phobe.

I’ve already seen some of the people from last time, los locales, I mean. Rafa y Jonatan. There are around of course, they are nice, but like all the guys here, they are looking to hook up with the ladies. People tend to look down on that, but in reality, if the roles were reverse every guy in the states would be doing the same.

This girl told me that Carlos, wanted to invite me to see the Pumas y Chivas (the Championship) game in Mexico City. I got the message a little too late. Carlos is pretty cool. I’ve only seen one of the primos (Jorge), he’s nice as usual, the next day, he was taking some of the girls to swim (the ones that live in his family’s hotel), I’m trying to think that’s a yearly thing that the primos do. They are cool as well. I also saw Esteban, he is the nicest guy of the bunch; I trust him for sure, even with the girls. It was nice seeing him too.

My room is orange, Vicky would love it, (I don’t know if you read this Vicky, pero I felt like I needed to mentioned it)

I’ve gone out, but not to the point where Kait would be proud of me ( Lo siento Kait, I’m too worried about things at home to be in the partying mood), pero si Dios quiere, despues for sure.

It’s not the same as before… while before wasn’t perfectly heavenly, it still set a high bar… will see what happens.. LOS EXTRANO a todos.. hasta luego

Cari y Yo

I write all that
I keep to myself.

Mexico

I'll be in MEXICO, in little under 20 hours. sigh

I have a horrible attitude about it, i know, but i dont care. haha. Mexico is great. Last time i went, it felt like it was just me and Mexico, the little part that's been missing for so long. It felt complete, being there. The air is different there, and i'm never a mexican there... i just am.

My girl plucks her hairs off of her chin for me
‘round every time she comes to see me.
brings me gifts of sorts and kinds
and never keeps affairs of ours abuzz.
She does her hairs so well my girl she does
The ones you see and see
cannot
Gently, she sways her hips like ladies might
ups her skirt , ______ downs her top
______________________for me.
____________________________for me and night.

A Traveler's Blog

Change is coming.
In a few days I will be somewhere in México. Somewhere on a plane, somewhere with a bunch of strangers and a couple familiar faces. An adventure is forthcoming. Change is most definitely coming.

Last time I studied abroad my life changed. Traveling changes you, it does something to you. I don't think this time it will be any different and to be honest it’s a little frightening. The personal changes are subtle, they don't change the core of who you are or anything extreme, but they do make you appreciate things more, like family, other cultures, the opportunity to travel etc. It does though change your life. I met so many great people in México last time, people who I am very close to now, and I care very much for. I only

First: I don’t really want to go. I'm not looking forward to it, nor am I excited. But that’s just me, I have to be composed and cool about these things. I wonder how my life will be different, how I will be different. It’s weird to have this sort of sense of self. I know it’s coming, I guess you, like I, have to wait and see.

“Y sé… / Que todo puede cambiar / Pero siempre viviré / Con lo que / Tu me das” ( J.Venegas)

Positive: I'm slightly experienced ‘cause I’ve already been so that should be fun. The ocean: I cannot wait to see the ocean, and fall asleep to the whoosh of the waves. Morelia: I have never been so that should be good, besides weekend trips kick ass. Last time we went to San Miguel de Allende and it kicked ass. The town Spanish rock cover band, the art show, the town is beautiful… it sucks we can’t go there. Profe said something about someone being in the hotel that wasn’t suppose to or the hotel having bad security or someone was being naughty who knows, who cares). I think the real reason was that we had to be escorted out ‘cause the streets were so narrow and the bus was humongous. Oh man, Great Times.

“See I don't need no alcohol / Your love makes me feel ten feet tall / without it I'd go through withdrawal / 'cause nothing even matters at all “

I wonder what will be different when the plane touches down in Chicago.

4am

Summer school - So here I am in ISU, in the summer, and let me tell you it is a ghost town. Heather says that “it feels like camp,” and well I never went to camp so I can’t tell, but I agree with her anyway. It feels…. good. I go to class and see no one, and if I do see someone, they are in class with me. Not like i socialize with people in class anyway. I talk to them, but that’s about it. Guess nothings change... hehe. i'm ok with it. I like myself!

Circle – Gera tells me that I should get out of my comfort circle because there are a lot more things out there. He has a point, but my circle is fine. I have friends but my inner circle (my best friends) is pretty close and pretty tight. I think that I do a good job with the people that are around me. They are proven soldiers in my wars. I have met a bunch of people and its hard to let them in because sometimes I feel like I can’t possible let them in because it’s too tiring, I get tired sometimes. I love my best friends, they fit. They somehow get me. Distance means nothing to Brian and I or Kathryn and I and I love that about us. They above anyone else, because they are proven: I just wish that I have proven myself to them. Two who are true and are my forevers.

I got others in that circle and they are good and fast approaching. Makes me smile.

Best Friends – It’s quiet here. My days don't last as long as I wish they did. I hangout with Heather a lot, but I'm just lucky, she is the only friend-friend I have here. And she is definitely one of the best ones, so that’s always fun. Speaking of hanging out and best friends, Em came to visit me last weekend. It was great to see her even thought we didn’t do anything spectacularly exciting it was a great time. AND speaking of best friends and hanging out and great times Kathryn came to visit me too. On her way back to Quincy, it’s been forever since I’ve seen her, we caught up, went to Denny’s... it was great. I miss her a great deal. It will be the last time I see her before I go back to Taxco, so it will be another great while without her. I have to go soon and make sure I hangout with Brian and see him and Dianne and Asha before I leave. I miss those girls too.

Estoy muy preocupado por mi mama. :-/

Class – I love class. Dr. Hunt is so nice. I hope my paper went well. I just wish classed moved faster, it tends to drag. I am getting crazy inspired and have written a couple poems. Contemporary stuff, more real, as oppose to romantic idealistic things I tend to write. I will be posting them, so stay tuned…
Family is great.

In other news – I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Well, maybe not a lot, but I’ve been definitely thinking about things of late. Prayer is good. And you know what: I feel good about who I am. I know I got a lot of things to work on still, but overall I'm doing pretty good.

Some of my friends are involved in all sorts of drama: Fighting with this person, arguing with this other person, hating this other one. I don’t get it. It seems to me like a lot of wasted energy. To think or feel those things, when you can be living and enjoying your life. You have to just live within your environment, and make it as happy as you can.

Decision - I made one, and it’s a final one too.

Realization – I realize that judging is pretty stupid. I should know this better than anyone because I know how everyone has a secret life no one knows of. You just can’t judge because you don’t know, no matter what you think you know, or what you heard, point is you don’t. No one knows, just the specific person.

People always tell me that I'm confusing and they don’t get me, that I'm complex or whatever; which is true because I think most people are like that. We are complex beings, us humans (Hehe. Sorry that sounded funny, a tad to philosophical for me).Averageness – sucks. The RA asked us to tell the group something we were good at. I couldn’t think of a single thing. Not one. Even if I did, it would feel sorta egocentric to say :in a snotty voice: “Well I good at this...” There is nothing I can think of that I am really good at. (Most things are null ‘cause you need an authority of such thing to let you know if you’re good, like a writing, art, or singing, (i.e. things like that). Then there are other things that you do with others like kissing which you can’t really know because you can’t really kiss yourself. The point of my rambling being that as long as you are ok with that, or if you’re not – you’re then trying to improve yourself… It doesn’t matter.

Jason Mraz Concert

So I went to see Jason Mraz in concert at the Chicago Theater. It reminds me how much I love the city, how much I feel like I belong there, where no one belongs. I think I like the anonymity of the city. No one will care about me there; I am an ant, in this garden. That appeals to me… to be in a garden where I'm not a plant, or some sort of bug, but an anonymous part of it.

The concert was awesome. The first song was called "flying My Guilt Over A Quilt" It’s a new song, and I will have heard it, way before millions of people would. It’s an awesome song, has this trotting guitar rift that just keeps you in pace. Nodding your head, the lyrics are very unusual, very urban and contemporary. He is about to board a plane, and he explains the process... x-ray machine etc. He remembers little things about her that only people that are in love really notice... and he softly sings the chorus…

I'm leaving your town, again / but I'm over the quilt you've been spinning / and I'm up in the air, yeah / but i can see your house from here / ...if the plane goes down / I'll remember where the love was found

The chorus pretty much did it for me, and the concert could have not possibly been bad and it wasn’t. I notice how great his lyrics are, you have to pay attention to them to notice. It’s kind of cool that if his plane would go down, that he would remember that. It seems like some sort of solace to the situation ‘We’ll at least ill die where love was found.’ It’s interesting because I think I would just be in shock that I was going to die.

He told anecdotes, jokes, sang a little opera, a little Spanish. He was funny as hell, and very likeable. The theater was awesome, looked like a church, very intimate, decorated with the different sorts of designs. The acoustics were right on track. It was a good time. I can’t believe everyone past on the opportunity…

Oh and I met him and got an autograph. A celebrity. My first celebrity and all I can think about was how crazy it must feel. To have girls scream your name just because you sing and are on TV. And that’s the only reason girls do it, you can’t tell me that they would do the same if he was just a regular Joe. I just wish i could play the guitar like him... or have a guitar.

My ISU Summer

So this summer I will be in ISU taking a summer class. Then after that I will be going to Taxco, Guerrero to study abroad. That 's in Mexico for those who don't know. I'm not really excited about going to Study abroad to be honest, I feel like I'm going to miss soooooo much back at home. Friends visiting from far away lands, going to Wisconsin, Cubs games, going to the beach, my family, my friends, Brian's house, katy's 21st birthday Heather's 21st birthday and so many other things etc etc.. So I don't really want to go, but I'll do what I have to do. I mean Visiting Mexico was one of my favorite experiences ever, watching a FIFA soccer game live. I'm sure will go to the beach there too, so it won't suck, but I would much rather be here.

So this summer I'll be in ISU, I'll be playing basketball, roller-lading, watching movies, relaxing etc, So it should be great minus the 3 hours of class. HAHA!! I am excited about going there, because I want to settle down somewhere for a little bit, I can't at home because I have to leave in a couple days. What will suck is tthe 7 weeks in Taxco, but only because I will miss my life here. I'll make the best of it.